Angela's Lock Thoughts

A few pics for the curious

2011-10-21T15:35:00.003-04:00

I just snapped a few pics. I am really not paying much attention to my hair. I can wash and go, which I love. I latch to maintain, which I do sporadically when I'm bored, not all at once. I'm taking it very easy. I don't really remember when I started, but I can see from a previous blog that I said I started in April or May, so this is around 6 months. I moved to North Carolina in September, and I'm still getting used to the differences here, even though it is something I really wanted to do. I miss my friends. I'm studying Spanish constantly, reading, listening, writing or talking in Spanish for much of my free time. I work from home now, instead of going in to an office. I spend a little more time with my daughter now, I'm with her after school, so I'm happy about that, even though sometimes I do want a break. I still want to lose weight. Nothing bad is happening in my life now, but I'm really not in the best of moods these days. I'm just glad that hair is not something I have to worry about.

She's baaaaaaack

2011-08-05T19:16:00.004-04:00

Hi to all my wonderful followers. I sometimes wonder why you guys follow me -- I don't blog much at all, and I don't think that what I have to say is all that interesting. :-/

So I started my locks again. *sheepish grin* I did do the styles I wanted to do, but in the end, I guess loose hair is really not my thing, I found myself not wanting to do anything to my hair other than just wash it, and when your hair is loose, you have to do something to it after you wash it. It's been a few months since I started my locks. I don't even know when I started them exactly, sometime in April or May. I think I'm less uptight this time, I'm not continuously wondering when I'm going to be locked. I'm taking things a lot less seriously. I started with twists, and am latching to maintain.

It's been real

2010-09-07T15:42:00.005-04:00

So I did it ... I took my dreadlocks out. I just knew that I really wanted to take them out, and have been wanting to take them out for months, and those voices just wouldn't go away. It wasn't that I hated my hair. I didn't. I loved my locks. I just wanted something else more. And it feels different this time. I didn't feel this desperation after my hair was out, this feeling of "Why did I do this?" "Not again!" I'm happy with my choice. And I feel I learned so much this time, went through my feelings of dissatisfaction with self, impatience, and caring about what other people thought about me. And it's only been a few days, but I am enjoying my afro. Right now, I'm not sure if I will try to lock again. My original reason for locking is that for me it was a low maintenance way to have long hair, but as my hair got to a length I was happy with, I realized that I'd rather loose long hair. So I will patiently try to get that loose long hair that I want.

For some reason, my daughter calls my new hair "rock star" hair. I have no idea what that means. But hey, she's 4. (ETA: I finally found out what rock star hair is. She watches Noggin / Nick Jr. The Roots perform a song on there, lol.). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mLtdHQeIZA

Thanks to everyone who supported me in this journey, especially Tam, Q (Kay), QueenLi, and Carmennc. It really meant a lot to me.

For more detail on what I did: I started in the back, I cut each lock to about 4 inches, then picked the rest out. I used the end of a lapel pin to pick the locks out. After a certain point, I started wearing a ponytail that gradually started looking thinner as the days went by, lol. I finished everything up this weekend. I had over 180 locks, and it took 3 weeks. I estimate that I spent an average of 20 minutes on each lock, which comes out to 60 hours total. Whew! After I had all the locks removed, I trimmed my own hair so it would be even all over by measuring with my fingers (kinda hard to explain). I now have 6 inches of hair when stretched, which I think is a great length for me right now. It's not too short (I eventually want to cornrow my hair, my technique needs work) but it's not too long to be overwhelming (I haven't combed my hair in almost 3 years).

For now I plan to try to grow my hair out. I'd love bra strap length hair if I can take care of it. I also would love to have relatively low maintenance natural hair, we'll see how that works out for me.

Please forgive the quality of the pics. They were taken with my phone (my regular camera's battery is kaput, and I can't find the charger).

Contemplating ...

2010-06-09T11:51:00.002-04:00

For maybe a month or two I've been really wanting to take out my locks. This is why:

My hair always gets in my way (e.g. during certain "activities")
I want to do cornrows, and because I started my hair by just washing, I don't have nice parts.
I miss my afro.

Why I haven't done it yet:

My hair is long enough to flip it. I flip it all around when I do pole dancing or floor work.
I took out two locks. Each lock took around 1 hour to remove, and the resulting hair was only around 6 inches long. Talk about shocking. Why is this? My hair was 10-12 inches when I started my locks.
I am not adept at styling my hair. I want cornrows, but to do them neatly like I would want them would take forever. And I am allergic to hair stylists.
I miss my afro, but I do not miss the time taking care of it entails.

I am really low maintenance. I think this is the real reason I haven't done anything. Maybe I just need to style my hair again. Or try cornrows with my locks. Something exciting that looks good.

More pics, and no longer freeform

2010-04-19T08:38:00.004-04:00

So, I've latched my hair 3 or so times since November. I no longer consider myself freeform. I did it for a few reasons: boredom with my hair; got tired of separating my hair after every wash, but not wanting my hair to join together; and wanting to see a little more of the length that I have. My hair is still very low maintenance, I just wanted to do a little more to my hair.

Also, I had hair that appeared all along the front hairline. I eventually decided to make new baby locks by latching the hair together. That worked fine, and they are on their way. The only thing is that since they are super short compared to the rest of my hair, they stick up at the most inopportune times, lol.

Pipe Cleaner Curls

2010-04-14T09:02:00.004-04:00

I did pipe cleaner curls on my hair and decided to share. Trying to stave off the boredom, because I usually don't do anything to my hair. I LOVE it in person, in pics, not so much. Sorry for the picture quality, these pics were taken with my phone.

2 year anniversary

2009-10-03T12:27:00.003-04:00

So, it's been two years since I stopped combing my hair and let it dreadlock. :-) I meant to have a bunch of nice pictures and style my hair and all that, but I never got around to it. Rather than wait for that (when is that ever going to happen?), I decided to snap a few pictures and a short video to show how my hair is now.

I have loose hair around my front hairline from ear to ear. I wanted to take a few pictures of that to show that, I'm not sure if these areas are going to make their own locks, or stay like this. It doesn't bother me either way.

Thanks to everyone that signed up to follow my page and my progress, I really appreciate it. I may not update a lot in the future, but I'll always leave this page up for as long as blogger allows it.

Ok, I just have to ask

2009-08-10T17:24:00.002-04:00

I happened to be perusing Google Analytics, seeing what search terms visitors to my blog type in. By far the most popular one is some variation on "free form dreads". (To me, the funniest search is "jamaican men and white women"). Why did someone today search for "free form dreads gross"? What does that mean? What were they looking for? They stayed on my blog for almost 1/2 hour, so they were looking for something. I will probably never know.

So, please, whoever did that search term, what were you looking for? Did you find what you were looking for on my blog? You can answer anonymously, I'm just really curious.

Reminiscing

2009-08-08T16:27:00.005-04:00

Just a few of the styles I've done on my own loose natural hair over the past 10 years. I loved the styles, but I really don't miss spending that much time on my hair on a regular basis.

Random pics and thoughts

2009-07-05T20:53:00.012-04:00

I feel like that pic makes me look so thin. :-)

My hair's lightened up some on the ends.

Tomoka's Twists. If you do a search you will find people that wear them much better than I do. I do love them. I've been telling myself I need to make another order, haven't bought any new ones in awhile.

My three year old daughter took this pic. She didn't do half bad. My personal photographer in the making.

One of my favorite locks.

Another one of my favorites. This one used to be two locks, and you can't tell anymore by looking, although I can tell by feel.

A lock that used to be two. I tried to knot it, don't really like how that part turned out.

A two-headed dragon -- one lock towards the root, two at the end.

Random thoughts:

RIP MJ. It's weird, because I only bought one of his albums (HIStory), and never saw him in concert, but I can't stop thinking about him now. I was so shocked when my husband told me he'd died. I thought he was joking.

No, I am not a Rasta. But "Rastafari!!!" and "Guidance" anyway.

Yes, I do my own hair. Thanks, but no thanks, I don't want to go to your recommended beautician. You do realize that came out like a diss, right?

Yes, I locked my hair without twisting it. Why is that so hard to believe?

Miss talking with you, girlie. Hope everything's going well for you. (Como me gusta your style -- "Little Freaky Girl", Concha Buika)

No hablo español con fluidez ahora, pero estoy mejorando cada día. Un día hablaré en forma fluida.

I really want more piercings. Trying to contain myself. Just an ear cartilage shouldn't be too bad, should it? That's pretty tame.

I'm so lazy, I really need to start cooking regularly. Junk food vegetarian is not healthy. And my body's feeling it.

I'm really just at peace with my hair. I'm comfortable with it. It doesn't stress me out. I like how it looks. I don't take too much time with it.

Small Youtube Video

2009-05-17T14:44:00.002-04:00

I put a short youtube video up, basically because people on youtube were asking for it. :-)

Pics of my hair before the JHud Concert

2009-04-11T20:08:00.003-04:00

I took a few pics of my hair before I went off to see Robin Thicke / Jennifer Hudson. It's a simple style. The concert was really good, it just didn't last nearly long enough.

Hmmm ... maybe I should have taken a full length shot. I did like my shirt.

This is not my hair

2009-04-05T19:26:00.007-04:00

The title of this blog post is a play on The Treachery of Images, a series of paintings by René Magritte. One of the paintings he did in this series was of a pipe, with the caption "Ceci n'est pas une pipe" (English translation: This is not a pipe). His whole point was that the painting is just a painting, however close to the actual object it may seem to be.

I gave that boring explanation to say this: This post was inspired by an online friend who I met for the first time (Hi Tam). We met, and one of the first things she said was something like "your hair looks so different in person." LOL. I agree. I don't know what she meant by her statement ("Angela, your hair is even more fabulous than I thought" or "Wow, your hair is interesting"). However I know things that I've noticed about my pics versus my hair in person. In pics, I don't think you can tell that my hair is really frizzy. You can't always tell that my locks are of several different sizes. You can't get a good sense of the texture, and you definitely can't get a sense of how dry (or not) it is, how healthy (or not) it is. I share my pictures and thoughts about my hair, and I'm happy other people are reading it and getting something from it (whether it's entertainment, knowledge, a different perspective, or whatever). However, I do forget to blog things, and I don't take perfect representative pictures, so this is not a complete representative of me or my hair. I've been wanting to say something like this for a while. :-)

(Eventually I'll style my hair again, and have more interesting pictures.)

A few close ups of my hair at a year and a half

2009-03-18T21:22:00.004-04:00

My hair is frizzy. And me likey.

Look who's wearing a pony tail now

2009-02-17T19:21:00.004-05:00

Finally! I can do a ponytail. A few pieces from the front were about an inch too short, and came out a time or two during the day, but I didn't care. I felt HOT today, LOL. It's funny how something so simple as a change of hairstyle can change a woman's mood. And it's not like it's a sexy hairstyle or anything, so I don't know why it made me feel like this. Oh, and I wore HEELS today (anybody that knows me well would be shocked at that).

Edited March 21: In the interest of full disclosure, and after a private message from a sweet lady on Napp.com

I did do the above ponytail when my hair was wet. My hair in the front doesn't quite reach, and the wet hair probably partially disguised that. Below is what my hair looks when I do a ponytail with dry hair (which is why a ponytail has not yet become a staple hairstyle, lol).

2009-01-23T07:13:00.003-05:00

Inspired by my friend Tam, I did the above style (I hope she doesn't mind me bitin' her, hers looks better than mine). It was pretty easy to do, took less than 5 minutes. And no pins, so by the end of the work day, it was coming apart at the top, lol (and I have no pics of that!). So I really like this style, next time I will take a little more time with it. I need to get a professional photographer to take pics of me, because I loved this in person, but in photos it's blah.

Freeform locks Q & A

2009-01-08T23:57:00.008-05:00

Everybody wants to say what they think freeform locks are, so I'll add my opinions to the mix. The following are questions I've been asked about my locks, and some other things I think would be good to know. I'll continue to add more questions as I think of them. Anyone else have questions that I should answer? Leave them in the comments section of this post.

Q: What are freeform locks?

A: Freeform locks, are also known as organic locks, natural dreads, dreads, bongo dreads, natty dreads. They're just locks to me. I just consider it to be locks that aren't meticulously maintained, retwisted, palm rolled, latched, or whatever.

Q: How do you get them?

A: Wash your hair. A lot. They'll come eventually. That is all.

Q: No, really, what do you do to get them?

A: Okay. Wash. Washing or wetting the hair often seems to help it lock up in this way. Early on, I washed my hair every day or two or three, and felt that helped . Condition with conditioner and/or oil and/or juices and berries so that your hair won't become too dry. After time, as the hair starts to lock, if you want to control the width of the locks, separate the hair from each other as it starts locking. You'll know what I mean once you start to see it happening on your head. Be patient. You don't need any gel or wax to hold your hair together, but if you want to do that, go ahead.

Q: How long does it take for your hair to lock in this way?

A: That depends on a lot of things. The length of the hair. The texture of the hair. How much you wash it. How tangly your hair was when loose may be an indicator. For me, I started getting tangled places in my hair at 4 weeks, and around 9 months, I feel my hair was recognizeable as locks. Be patient. Your hair will lock in its own time. In my opinion, twisting or palm rolling the hair doesn't make it lock faster, it just keeps the hair neater and less tangled as it is trying to lock.

Q: If you don't go to the salon, your hair won't turn out right. You have to get your hair twisted every month and wax it every week and don't wash your hair for the first 3 months.

A: Was that a question? Sounded more like an unsolicited comment to me. But anyway, do you even have locks? Where did you get those ideas from? Sure, you could lock your hair in that way. I'd hate to see the gooky mess it would be, but hey, whatever floats your boat. What floats my boat is to have clean, hassle-free, low-maintenance hair.

Q: I want my locks to be perfectly circular / unfrizzy / to lay down / all the same size. Can I do freeform locks?

A: If you want to control your hair exactly, freeform locks are probably not for you. Even locks that are meticulously maintained will do things you don't want them to do at times, but with freeform locks, there tends to be even less control. Also, you can start with twists / coils / braids / backcombing and freeform from there if you want, that can control the size more.

Q: Why would anybody want to do that to their hair?

A: Hmmm. Different people do it for different reasons. Spirituality / religion. Political reasons. Aesthetics / style (some people actually like how it looks, can you believe it). Lifestyle reasons. I personally did freeform locks because I wanted long, very low-maintenance natural hair, and for me, this was the way to do it.

Q: I don't think I could do that. What would my mom / husband / friends / the gardener think? I have to be neat. I have a professional job, I work in an office. I can't look like a bum.

A. LOL. Wow. Try to stop caring so much what other people think. If you're an adult, you can do whatever you want to do. Don't let others control you, make your own decisions. I know it's easier said than done, but it's important. Also, about your job, does your job explicitly say that you can't have locks? Probably not. Did some well-meaning friend, relative, or black coworker tell you you shouldn't do it? Chances are, they don't know what they're talking about, and are just scared for you. If you're confident in your decision, then just ignore them. I know this won't change your mind, but I work in corporate America, and am doing fine. I know of others in different professions who are working as well, without problems about their hair.

Q: Your hair is the "real thing". Those other people that lock their hair have fake locks. Your way is the best / most natural / cleanest / way to do it.

A: Yes, I have actually gotten that comment. And it's funny because I really don't feel that way. To me, there is no lock hierarchy. I chose this method for me, and others can choose their method for them. Yes, there are methods that I don't really agree with, but people have their own reasons for doing things. And I don't get why some people think freeform or organic locks are some kind of gold standard for locks. Ok, actually I do get it, but I don't agree with it. Put a head of organic locks (a la Bob Marley) next to a head of Sisterlocks, and I think both are absolutely beautiful. I wouldn't wear either for my own reasons, but that's not to say that I think other people shouldn't.

Month 16

2009-01-08T23:34:00.004-05:00

A very few pics just for you Tam.

I really do like my hair. It's really looking like true locks now. A few dreads in the back get caught in my shirt and annoy me. And I've come a long way from those early days and months. I was looking through pics, and I can now say I don't see how I did it. Some of these pics look kinda crazy to me now. I guess I knew how my hair would look in the end, so I was able to persevere.

A couple pics of my hair at around 5 months.

2009-01-01T16:34:00.005-05:00

I had a wonderful holiday vacation. We went to Florida and saw both my husband's and my families. It was nice to get a few weeks off work, and just chill, laugh, and talk with family. I feel rejuvenated, and ready to go back to work.

I'm having fleeting thoughts again about taking my hair out. I don't really know why, but sometimes when I see individual braids or cornrows in a cute style, I want to replicate it. Of course, I know that I don't like to comb or style my loose hair, so the thoughts go away eventually. When will I be completely satisfied with my hair? I do love my hair now, but I'm just bored, I guess. And it's still so far away from the length that I want. Trying to ride out the feelings, because I've been so proud of myself for sticking to these locks, and it's not like I feel anything's wrong with my hair. No regrets about the way I started and maintain my hair. I wonder if other locked people have these thoughts at all.

I'm thankful

2008-11-23T08:36:00.002-05:00

I'm really thankful for lots of things. I have a family that I love, and that loves me. I'm thankful that I have a good amount of vacation left this year, so I'm going to be off work a good bit (lol). But right now, I'm really thankful for my locks, because they represent a change in my life for me. I was with a friend yesterday, and she said to me that she noticed that I "made a turn" that started with my locks. In the past I've never stayed with anything for any length of time, really, but now I've stuck with the locks for over a year. I've been vegetarian for 11 months. I've been exercising at minimum 3 times per week since August (which, for me, is a lifetime). And those small successes give me the confidence that other things I want to improve in my life will happen in time.

A Real Freeformer

2008-10-20T20:00:00.005-04:00

I've gotten a few personal comments asking me a few questions, and this post is inspired by some of those questions.

I don't mean to disappoint. I'm a freeformer, but ...

... I'm not spiritual - I didn't start my locks because I believe that they're the ultimate natural hairstyle. I don't believe that locks are Jah antennae. I don't know about the 47 laws of Maat (or however many there are).

... I'm not conscious - Sad to say, but I'm not. I'm so not conscious, I don't even know what it means to be conscious. :-( I am a worker bee. I am a sheep. I don't know about politics. I'm voting for Obama just because he's black. I watch BET (Okay, just kidding, I'm not that bad. I DO NOT watch BET).

... I'm not afrocentric - I don't know all about dread history. :-( I don't know all about Rastafarians (although I'm not completely ignorant to them). I am not a black power type (although what that has to do with dreads, I don't know). I don't know a lot about black history (although I'm working to learn more). I don't say "ase" or "peace, brother/sister" or call my husband "my king" or wear ankhs or cowry shells.

... I care about how I look - Well, okay, I don't wear makeup or arch my eyebrows, so maybe I look (and am) low maintenance, but I'm not totally forsaking personal grooming.

... I'm not vegetarian - Well, okay, I AM vegetarian, but not because of the locks.

I'm a freeformer, and to me, that just refers to how I do my hair. I started them by just washing and going, and I don't twist to maintain. Anything else that is assumed about me because of how I wear my hair is just that ... an assumption.

Note: Okay, I am being a little silly here at times, I was just trying to make a point.

1 year - video

2008-10-13T20:44:00.001-04:00

Do you know what today is?

2008-09-30T20:53:00.008-04:00

It's my anniversary. My locks anniversary.

It's been a year. I made it, lol. I was one of those who started locks over and over again, and never made it past a few months. This time, however, my mind frame was different, and I was ready to make things work. Cutting or combing out my hair was not an option, so I had no other choice but to try to analyze my thoughts. Thus, this blog, of course. After the first few months, everything was so easy for me. And now it's still so easy. I just wash, condition, separate, and oil. I really don't style my hair. I thought I was going to do something for this occasion, but I really didn't feel like it. Anyway, I don't seem to have anything else to say, so here are a few pics.

Me being silly.

Meet the Fam

2008-08-03T14:00:00.009-04:00

(Note: I've updated this post a couple times with a few more pictures).

It's been 10 months for me. :-) So close to a year. I thought I'd show off a few of my special locks.

There's stumpy there on the right. I have no idea how he got that short, when every lock around him is twice his height. He's at the crown of my head.

Here's a lock that was originally two locks. I'm thinking I joined them at around 3 months, although I really can't remember. However, now, you can't really tell that they were originally separate. This one is one of my favorites.

Here are a few of the largest locks on my head. They aren't huge, of course. I like the size of these best.

And here are a couple of the really small ones on my head. These I think I will eventually join to some other lock close to them.

Now, I estimate that my hair is locked halfway up each lock for most of them, although there are a few that are still locked only very close to the end. I always heard that freeform locks lock faster than other types of locks, but now I don't believe it. Maybe if I started with shorter hair, that would have been the case, though. Who knows.

And here are a few locks that are quite weird to me. Closer to the root, the lock is thick/regular. In the middle the locks are ultra thin. Then they get thicker again at the ends of the hair. I have no idea how they got this way. I'm trying to fight cutting the thinner parts off, and just see how they develop.

And a few days later, decided to join a few locks that were too small for my taste. Now I have around 5-7 more two-headed dragons. I did it by latching the new growth of both together, and twisting together the locked portion. When I got to the last one, I remembered about wrapping the loose hairs around the locks, and I did that towards the end of my hair, and that worked well. I'm showing a pic of one that I joined.

Afro ... oh how I missed you

2008-07-14T19:31:00.002-04:00

Me waving through the unlocked root hair.

So, I washed the twists out of my hair. I'm glad I twisted, though, it really let me know that I really don't want to do it anymore. And the afro's back. And it feels so good.

So ... umm ... yeah

2008-07-05T10:53:00.005-04:00

So, I've been complaining about my afro-locks for a little while (if not on this blog, in my head). So I decided to palm roll my whole head. For the first time since I started these locks. I'm trying to decide if I like it now. No more afro-lock, but it's quite flat to me. Time will tell. I guess I can't call myself a freeformer anymore. I do know that I don't plan to do something like this more than twice or so a year, cause twisting my whole head definitely kicked my butt. I am glad that I did it though, because going through my whole head like that let me know that I wasn't separating thoroughly. And I found several locks that were really smaller than I wanted them. And now I am really able to see how much of my hair is locked, and how much of my hair isn't. And now sometimes I really wish that I had started with twists or braids, because some of my lock sections really are irregular, I just found that out. But then again, I try to remember that I really don't like doing my hair but once in a blue moon.

It's crazy, I'm also feeling kinda guilty for twisting my hair. It's like, for me, freeforming is close to the ultimate in locking hair, and I took a step back by twisting it. Silly, I know. I've said before that I don't have anything against other methods of starting or maintaining, and I don't, but I guess that thought is still there in the back of my head. I mean, it's not like I was freeforming for religious reasons, or care nothing about how my hair looks.

9 months (and why I'm still locking)

2008-06-29T09:38:00.006-04:00

As I've said before, I've tried locking numerous times. I've tried locking various ways. And I've always cut them off or taken them apart. This is the longest I've kept locks in (yay me). And I believe that I'll be growing locks for years to come. The following are reasons I feel that I've been successful this time.

1. Locking freeform

I've tried locking a few different ways (coils, braids, twists, and freeform). And locking freeform is me. There's nothing wrong with locking in other ways, and you can have beautiful, healthy locks starting them with many different ways, in my opinion. But, this was the best way for me. I like how my hair looks, I like how it feels. I like not doing much maintenance on my hair (shampoo, condition, oil, separate). I feel unique with my locks.

2. Introspection

Writing regularly in this blog has helped me get out my feelings about my locks. And knowing that I have this blog has helped me think about things more deeply, even when I don't write them down. For example, I have had fleeting thoughts of taking them down (the thoughts never lasted long). But when the thoughts came, I tried to analyze them ("Girl, you know you have a big bump on the side of your face, and you're not feeling cute today. Don't take that out on your locks." lol)

3. Support

I'd like to take this time to thank my online friends (you know who you are). It was good to have people to go through the process with. We understood each other, because we were locking in the same way. Others maybe didn't lock the way I did, but read my blog anyway, and said nice things. Still others offered needed words of advice. Thanks to all of you.

4. Feeling pretty

For me, this can't be underestimated. I've had issues in the past with this. I can't fully analyze why I feel more attractive to myself now, but here are just a couple things that helped:

4a. Having longer hair

First, I should say that since being natural, I've had short hair many many times. I did a big chop in 1999, which left me with about 1-2 inches of hair. And since then I've cut my hair short a number of times. So I'm not afraid of having short hair. I just really think I look better with long hair. Yes, there may be subconscious reasons for this. But I haven't completely figured those out, so I'm going with the long (okay, big) hair. Kudos to those who can lock with short hair, and they look good in it. I just can't.

4b. Tomoka's Twists

I've locked in the past, and always at some point I get bored with my hair. I want to do something with them, dress them up somehow. But, I'm style challenged. Especially with locks. What do you do with them? I'm still trying to figure that out. But anyway, in the past, a few times I've unlocked because of that. And then did a set of cornrows or twists and remember that I really don't want to spend THAT much time on my hair. Soooo, this time, a couple months into locking I blogged about not knowing what to do with my hair to style it, and carmennc came along and shared her website with me. I brought a few of her Tomoka's Twists, and have been in love ever since. They've made a few cameos in my blog here, here, here, and here. I have 6 different Tomoka's Twists, and one Tomoko's Tie. They're simple to use, and so beautiful to me. Some people may think it's silly, and such a little thing, but I'm glad they found me when they did. They helped me get through some days when otherwise I might have thought my hair was ugly. Thanks, carmennc.

5. Stronger sense of self, and knowing I look good

Don't ask me how, or why, but this time around I really have a "take me or leave me" attitude. Accept me as I am, and we'll be ok. Maybe I was just tired of not doing what I wanted to do because I was thinking about other people. Now, though, I'm not concerned about what the people at work think about my hair. I'm professional, I do my work, and my hair has nothing to do with that. When friends or acquaintances have questions about my hair, I answer them matter-of-factly. I don't think, as I did in the past, that they don't like my hair, and are asking questions out of disgust. I realize that it's something that most may not have seen, and are simply curious. When a guy in the grocery store stares at me, I don't automatically think he's looking at my hair. I think he's looking at ME. LOL. When my husband tries to touch my hair, I don't shy away, I let him touch away.

At any rate, I know some people don't come here for my thoughts, ha ha. Here are some pics. The hair's still moving along.

Caring about what other people think

2008-06-19T11:46:00.005-04:00

I may have talked about this before, but I think I will mention it again. Often I get questions or comments about my hair saying "Does your husband like it?" "What do the people at work say about your dreads?" "Man, I couldn't go [to church, the supermarket, some other public place] with my hair looking like that. People would look at me like I was crazy." "My mom tells me that she doesn't like locks, and that they're dirty, so I took them down." and I could go on and on.

Of course I am aware of possible perceptions of me because of the dreads. However, I'm not going to let those perceptions rule my life, I just keep them in mind, depending on my objectives of certain things in my life. For example, my job. I'm a software tester for a large computer company. I don't interact with customers. I just interact with other testers, developers, project managers, my management, etc. My look is not a part of my job there (I'm not a model, after all), so who cares what they think. Some people walk around in shorts in the summer (with their pale legs and varicose veins). These 40 something chicks trying to recapture their youth are in short skirts (which I think is a bit much). I know a dude there with a mohawk (yes, a mohawk). One biker dude wears entirely too tight jeans with his leather jackets. Combovers abound here. Bad perms and weird hair colors are not unknown. There is actually a girl that I always instant message, email or call instead of going to her office because her office actually stinks. And I'm supposed to be concerned because my hair is in freeform locks? No, I am not. When I see someone that looks a little different, I may laugh to myself, then do whatever work I have to do with them and/or keep it moving. And I'm sure others do the same with me. Now, if my look were somehow a part of my performance, that would be another thing (i.e. I'm a salesperson in HickTown USA, and I can't get any sales because people look at my hair, hold their nose, then slam the door in my face). But then again, I don't see myself working in that kind of job because control over my look is important to me. And when I have to search for a new job in the future, they're going to be seeing my hair in the interview because I want to know that they won't have a problem with it.

As far as my husband liking my hair or not, that's a funny thing, because I do want to feel attractive to him. Luckily, he likes my hair. Or maybe not so luckily, because when I met him, I had natural hair, and he told me that he loves natural hair, and wouldn't want it any other way. That's part of the reason I dated him in the first place. And while we dated, before we got married, I did different things with my hair (cornrows, twists, and even freeform locks) and he didn't have a problem with any of it. So I knew for sure that he wasn't blowing smoke when he said he loves natural hair. Natural hair is very important to me, so I chose someone that loves natural hair, so my hair isn't an issue in our relationship. Now, if I had a relaxer when we got married, then later decided that I wanted locks, then maybe we would have had an issue. Thankfully, that's not my situation.

Social situations are another time when people sometimes care. It's interesting. For me, my friends may not think it's the best hairstyle I've ever had (I've had compliments when I wore small twists or small box braids, but no compliments on my dreads). But they are still my friends. And it goes both ways. Two close friends I have here in New York have relaxers, and I still love them. I'm not saying nothing on anything I'm sure they did on purpose regarding their look. And if I'm at a party or something and some idiot I don't know turns up their nose at my hair, well I really don't want to be around them anyway. But then again, I'm not really a social person anyway, so I don't have to deal with that either.

And you know what? When I want a professional look, or don't want my hair to be distracting, I can do that with my hair. I think a headband ties my look together nicely. I can't wait until I can do 1 ponytail or a bun, because I think those are good looks as well. And if I'm in a situation where I really don't want so show my hair, there's always a headwrap (although I don't know what kind of situation that would be, and it hasn't happened to me yet).

I really have the feeling that I am in charge of how I look, and I'd be really resentful worrying all the time about what other people have to say about my appearance. That's not to say that I don't take pride in my appearance. I do. I groom myself, dress, etc. But I have the final say on how I want to look.

---------------------------

Here's an example about caring too much about what someone else thinks. I recently saw my mom. Why, oh why was I trying to hide my nose ring from her for the first hour? I was making sure she was on one side of me, and talking to her without looking at her. Ridiculous! First of all, I am 31 years old, and out of the house, with a husband and child of my own. Second of all, this is not the first piercing I've had, and I've done other things that I know she wouldn't care for (not going to church, tattoo on wrist, etc). The crazy thing is, I know she saw it, and she didn't even comment (she probably realizes by now that I go my own way).

8 months

2008-06-09T21:15:00.003-04:00

I was bored (and SOMEBODY asked for an update) so I decided to upload a few pictures.

Okay, yes or no on wearing two ponytails to my company picnic this week.

Umm ... yeah, I think I want to at least act like I tried to have a semi straight part. And that one longer lock is quite irritating to look at.

My hair is still very afro, but locked at the same time. Sometimes I'm tired of the afro part, but here it looks cool to me.

And of course I had to clean my mirror before taking these last two pics. Note the glass cleaner in the lower portion of the pic and my lack of a smile.

Another Video

2008-05-25T21:38:00.006-04:00

I made another video talking about my hair, basically answering a few questions that I've gotten about my hair. I kind of rambled a little, I think, so I had to split it up. The first video is around 9 minutes, the second video around 3 minutes.

Also, a couple more pics

No more locks

2008-05-04T09:46:00.006-04:00

So, I finally had the dream that I've heard other dreadlocked people have ... my locks were gone. In the dream, I was visiting my dad and stepmom, and I combed them out and had my hair straightened for the visit. The disturbing part of the dream for me was the fact that I was primping and preening and combing my hair in the mirror. I was loving it, lol. Of course, when I woke up I was happy to realize it was a dream. I really wonder why I had that dream.

Anyway, it's been 7 months of lockdom, and I have my same few pics. Please excuse the quality, these weren't taken with my regular camera, and I couldn't get the camera lens completely clean (my daughter likes to mess with that camera). Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I latched about 10 locks right in the front of my head (about 5 on each of the first 2 rows). I was really tired of seeing only the tips of those hairs being locked. Afro-lock was not cute in the front to me. I tried to do it loosely, and I didn't latch it all the way to the root. Also, I don't intend to continuously maintain my hair.

6 MONTHS!

2008-03-30T08:48:00.003-04:00

I made it to 6 months of locking freeform. When I first started, I wasn't sure I would have them in for that long. And now I realize that 6 months is such a short time, and I'm looking forward to the years to come. Anyway, here are the few pics. Oh, by the way, yes, the smile is fake, but believe me, I look much better smiling.

I was trying to show in that last pic how much of my hair is locked. Maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of each lock is locked. I still see lots of afro, but it's obvious to all by now that my hair is locking. Do you think that if I say that I'm being patient enough times, my hair would actually start to look like locks from the front?

Separation - Video

2008-03-21T18:14:00.003-04:00

I made a video of myself separating my hair. The video is only 5 minutes long. I didn't write a script for it or anything, so I'm not sure if it's clear what I'm doing. I didn't explain in the video, but to remind everyone, I started locking by just washing my hair. I separate to somewhat control the size of my locks. Anyway, this should give those who might not know a feeling of how one person separates their hair.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF5P8Zgc15I

Jamaica

2008-03-12T22:34:00.006-04:00

I recently went to Jamaica for the first time and I LOVE THAT PLACE. I went to Negril with a couple girlfriends of mine for 5 days (not nearly enough time). One of my friends is Jamaican, which was good because she speaks the patois, and also knows how much stuff should cost so we don't feel like we're getting ripped off too much. But anyway, here are a couple of my thoughts and experiences.

What is up with Jamaican men? Please tell me so that I can know. My friends and I got hit on CONSTANTLY. Wherever we went, at least 2 out of the 3 of us would get hit on. I can also say that each of us has stopped traffic in Jamaica. My friend got hit on by the policeman that stopped her for speeding. And they're persistant, too. I told one guy that I'm married and he said "What happens in Jamaica stays in Jamaica". One of my friends showed a guy her wedding ring and he said "I have rings too". We went to Mayfield Falls one day (which is amazing, by the way) and this dude stopped his tour to yell across to my friend that he wished he could lay across her butt, and use it as a pillow. Maybe the first day it was flattering, but it got old really quickly. If you want to feel wanted, though, go to Jamaica.

Man, I got so many compliments on my hair, it was ridiculous. People were calling me Ras or Rasta all over the place, lol. Seriously. No one really thought I was a Rasta (at least I don't think so), but that's what I was called half the time by the locals. Probably because I am locking my hair the Rasta way. One day on the beach, there were a couple Rastas painting and selling their paintings. The guy complimented me on my hair. I was flattered, of course. It's almost like validation, getting complimented by Rastas, I can't explain exactly why. Then I asked him how he locked his hair, and for advice and they both started talking. Saying that the ocean water is good for your hair. Also, just to wash it a lot and let it air dry (no towel). I swear, they sounded just like RasTai, they said the same things he says. However, there was one Rasta that I met that asked me "are you a Rasta or is that just a hairstyle?" I didn't exactly know how to answer that. Of course I'm not a Rasta, but my hair is coming to mean more to me than just a hairstyle. He also asked me if I knew about King Selassie, and I guess what I said wasn't what he wanted to hear, so I got some lecture about not knowing my culture. But anyway ...

So many of the Rastas that I met were really nice. Also they were trying to tell / teach me about their religion and culture. I'm not sure why, maybe I look receptive to it (which I am). One Rasta I met at Mayfield Falls was telling me about his diet and natural living. While I was in Jamaica, I ate some ital food (more on ital food) which was delicious (I haven't eaten meat for 2 months and don't plan to eat any anytime soon).

Okay, I could go on and on about Jamaica (I loved it and I have so many stories I could tell, i.e. this club called The Jungle where a few of the women really had their stuff hanging out for all to see, and some drunk spring breakers letting guys do stuff that I'm sure they would regret in the morning). But I'm sleepy and I think I will let this be.

5 months in

2008-03-05T21:47:00.000-05:00

Nothing to say, here are the pics!

I am beautiful

2008-02-26T10:37:00.008-05:00

I'm not sure why I am even putting these thoughts on this blog, because these thoughts are kinda related to locks, but not really. But anyway ...

I've had problems in the past with insecurities about my looks. I even wrote about it on here once, a couple years ago (http://angieslocks.blogspot.com/2005/04/i-think-i-look-like-boy.html). When I was younger, I never thought I was ugly, exactly, but I definitely didn't think I was anything special. My dad used to always tell me I was beautiful, but I didn't believe him. He had to say that, right? He's my dad. I don't know where my insecurities came from, because no one told me I was ugly that I can remember. Most of elementary school, I went to a small private school (~100-150 students total, 6 or so in my grade), and everybody pretty much looked like me. I mean, everybody was black, my same skin tone, and beauty was not a focus at that school.

I never had problems getting a date, that's not even it. I dated in high school (even though I wasn't allowed to). In college, I dated even more than I dated in high school. And now I'm married to a husband that often tells me I look good. But, as they always say, other people can't give you self esteem. When I was in relationships I did things that showed that I was insecure, even though my partner would tell me that I was fine, or he loved me.

But now, surprisingly, as I am going through this process with my locks, I am loving myself. As I look in the mirror at my hair, I also notice the beauty of my eyes. As I fall in love with my developing buds, I also fall in love with my ears, and my nose (which I'm trying to decide if I want to pierce). As I accept the short parts of my hair (short because the edges of my hair fell out after I had my baby), I accept my weak chin. As I patiently wait for my hair to fully lock, I also patiently wait while observing the changes in my body as I work towards my goal weight and healthiness. As I ignore the confused / disbelieving / disgusted looks of those around me I ignore the voices of society that say that someone that looks like me isn't beautiful.

This is not to say I think I am perfect. Of course I don't. I'm not going to be auditioning for America's Next Top Model anytime soon. And there are still things I don't like about my appearance, and things that I want to change. But even if no one else in the whole world sees it, I see my beauty, and accept myself now as I am, and as I want to be.

Sharing this song from The Color Purple (my favorite play right now). Fantasia singing "I'm Here". This is the part of the play when Celie truly realizes her beauty. I especially like the end of the song.

I love ...

2008-02-24T10:59:00.003-05:00

I love ...

the heaviness of my hair when it's soaked in the shower before a shampoo

that my hair still has that afro look

finding a new baby lock

anticipating that day when I can say my hair is "locked"

realizing that my hair is growing

the texture of the locked portions of my hair

molesting my hair :-)

looking at my hair in the mirror

getting up, fluffing, and going in the mornings

washing whenever I feel like it

getting an unexpected compliment about my hair

doing (almost) nothing to my hair

wondering how it will look in a week, a month, a year, 5 years

feeling confident about my hair

my hair!

2008-02-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

I'm four months into it, here are a couple of pictures

Man, the back really just looks like an afro in that picture. I swear it looks slightly lockish in person. But comparing from pictures of when I first started, I can definitely see progress.

I really started this blog because I am one of those people who's started locks more times than I can count. I always took them down or cut them off. It was very frustrating. So I wanted to get down my thoughts, neuroses, etc., about locks and what would make me want to cut them off (so I could analyze them to death, I guess). But this time, for some reason, I really don't have any problems with them. I don't care what other people say about them. I don't feel unfeminine with them as I have in the past. I am not stressing about the way they are developing (well, not most days). In other words, my mindset is completely different. I don't really know how or why, but I'm going with it.

Four Months - Video

2008-01-29T21:06:00.001-05:00

So, my husband took a short video of me without me realizing it. And then he showed it to me, and i was totally transfixed, looking at my hair. It looks great. Is that conceited of me to say that? Anyway, I made a video of myself talking about my hair. Here it is (best viewed in original size):

http://youtube.com/watch?v=muhlwcPXygk

I don't plan to do this on a regular basis. But I think it would be really cool if some of my favorite bloggers did videos. For example, I think Tai would crack me up, hearing and seeing his rants instead of just reading them.

Patience

2008-01-09T12:27:00.001-05:00

I always used to roll my eyes when people said that they learned patience when locking their hair. However, it's become a definite part of the locking process for me. I want locks NOW! My hands are in my husbands 2 1/2 year old locks every day. I covet the mid back length dreads I saw on the sister in the grocery store. I drool over pictures in hair albums of fully developed locks of every size, shape, and length. But I must wait and be patient.

I look at my hair, and I can tell it's slowly moving toward what I desire. But it's not happening fast enough, dammit! I know I sound like a baby, but I don't care. And although I like the way my hair looks now (most days, let's be honest here), I don't know anybody that dreaded their hair to have it look like the in-between stage. Some time ago I read on the hair board where someone compared growing locks to growing a full beard. The beginning stage (5 o'clock shadow) looks good, and at the end you have the beard you want, but that in-between, patchy, itchy, unshaped, what-the-hell-am-I-doing-why-is-it-taking-so-long-nobody-likes-beards-anyway-will-i-even-look-good-with-one stage is trying. And some people don't get past that stage (and don't ask me how I know so much about growing a beard).

Or when you're trying to lose weight (which I am). You've changed your diet, you're exercising more, you're doing good. But it's been weeks and you don't see any changes yet. Well maybe you realize that you can climb the stairs without being out of breath, and you lost like 5 pounds, but you want to see more changes on the scale. One or two pounds a week is soooooo slow when you have 30 pounds to lose. And then your husband brings in a 50 pack of cookies from BJ's, and you have to stare at that crap every day when you get in from work. And you know that a cookie or two (at 200 calories a pop) every day would taste soooo good after the stresses of work. Do you give in? Or do you resist, knowing that if you're patient, and continue with what you're doing, you'll soon see the results you want? (~~Note to hubby: This example is just used for illustrative purposes and comedic effect.~~ Who am I kidding? No, it's not. :-( )

You know what, though. I have made the commitment that I am going to see this through. No matter how I feel about it now, I know that in a year or so, my hair will be completely locked, and I will have the hair I used to admire from afar. I try to remind myself of that whenever I have doubts about the process. Angela, don't get impatient at month 3 or 4 or 7 and cut off your hair. You'd seriously regret that. Don't let the silly little side issues or insecurities distract you. Know what's on the other side: beautiful, unique locks.

3 months in and feeling fine

2008-01-02T10:02:00.001-05:00

You know, I'm really feeling good about my hair so far. No drama (for a change). I love the way my hair is developing into locks. And I'm confident about how they will turn out. I think that this is a good reason for locks to develop slowly the way they do, so that it can give me time to adjust to the new look. I am on the lookout these next few months, though, because the last few (!) attempts I made to lock my hair, I took / cut them out around 3-5 months. I feel so far removed from my mindset then, though, so I'm good.

I took pics also, but what is the point of taking pictures when your hair looks exactly the same? I may space it out to every 1-2 months taking pics.

The last two pics are of Tomoka's Twists. I wear them as a headband, and they aren't tight, like most headbands I wear (I guess I'm sensitive to that). I love them. I bought a few others from her site also. They are beautiful.

What styles can be done with new freeform locks?

2007-12-22T20:00:00.000-05:00

So, what styles can be done with new freeform locks? Not many that I know of. I can only think of wearing headbands, wraps, or scarves, so I wanted to see how I look in a few.

Don't really care for that tan color.

I have a few scarves I have that I may wear also.

2 1/2 months: Buds, Separation, and Thoughts

2007-12-18T21:55:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been 2 1/2 months, and my hair is definitely locking. I took a few pics straight in from work.

That pic of the back of my head is cool to me, didn't know my hair looked like that from behind. Here are a couple of pics of some baby locks.

It's cool to me watching them develop. That second pic may look like unlocked hair, but the bottom 1/2 of that one definitely feels different than the top unlocked portion. I also took a few pictures of my hair wet after being shampooed. I think it's easier to tell that my hair is locking when it's not completely dry.

After I shampoo my hair, I separate it. Here is how my hair looks before it's separated.

I feel kind of torn about separating the hair. It really feels like I am stressing it too much. Sometimes I feel that if my hair were shorter, or I were separating into larger sections it would be easier. I feel like it's taking too long to separate the hair. Looking at that last picture, I can see why sometimes it seems crazy, like I don't even know where to start. I didn't have this problem previous times I tried to lock my hair via freeform. I just waited for buds to form, and separated from there. This time, I am trying to separate the coils in my hair, and it's not always easy.

Also, I can't really imagine myself with long thin locks, I think that larger locks would look better long. But with short hair, I imagine that smaller locks would look better. I don't know, I'm confusing myself again. Maybe I can just separate once a week instead of every time I wash my hair. It seems like I am focusing too much on my hair, when in locking my hair, my goal was the opposite, to not give too much attention to it. I don't know why I always do this -- find something wrong with my hair. Dammit, girl, it's not rocket science. Whatever you do to your hair, if you don't comb it, it will lock. You know that, now live it.

My Hair Looks Good

2007-12-05T13:38:00.000-05:00

I was in the cafeteria at work today when I saw a friend that I hadn't seen in awhile. We talked awhile to catch up. She then told me, "I love your hair. It's so ... " and then made this motion with her hands. I laughed and said thanks. My hair leaves people speechless. I later told my husband what my friend said, and he replied "You have nice hair. It looks good." *BLUSH* Of course I love my hair, but it's nice to hear other people like it too.

Freeform Dreads are Lazy

2007-12-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

I went to a friend's birthday party this week. At the party, another person asked me questions about my hair. Simple questions like how I take care of it, how do I comb it, how do I deal with the knots in my hair.

Well, I just wash, condition, and oil it. It's pretty easy." I said.
"Well, isn't it hard to comb when you finally comb it out?"
"I don't comb it because I'm locking my hair."
"Well how will you know how big they will be, how many you'll have?" She has a worried and slightly disgusted look on her face.
Sigh. "I separate my hair after I wash it, so it will be the size I want it to be."
"Well, you know you can go to somebody who can start dreads for you, right? They will do them for you and they will look nice." Little miss expert.
"Yes, I know. But this is the way I want to do it. It's simple, and it costs less."

She didn't say anything else about that subject. Several things I want to say about this conversation. First of all, why, oh why do people who don't have dreadlocks want to give you advice on dreadlocks? I cannot count the number of times when I have told someone that I was locking my hair, and got all kinds of advice on how to start them, not to wash my hair for X weeks/months, to use beeswax, to go to so and so every 2 weeks to get my hair twisted, etc. And they don't even say it like, "so and so has locks and he told me blah blah blah." They say it like they personally have done X, Y, Z, and know for sure that it grows great locks. It irritates me to no end.

Second of all, there was this implication when talking with her that you can't just grow dreads. You have to go somewhere and get them done, or do something with the hair to have nice dreads. If not, they will look like you know what. I guess part of this is ignorance, and I can't fault her for that. If everybody she knows goes to get them done, I guess she wouldn't know another way. Maybe it's part of black women's culture that you have to go to the beauty salon and get your hair "done" every few weeks. I don't know, I'm still trying to figure it out. If not wanting to go to a salon and have someone else be in control of my hair is lazy, I guess I'm lazy. If only having to wash, condition, oil, and separate is lazy, I guess I'm lazy.

Week 8 and chugging along

2007-11-29T08:15:00.001-05:00

Here are my week 8 pics. I don't think I look any different. It's like watching paint dry taking pics so often. I'm going to start taking them once a month.

Here is my smiling face.

Hmmm ... I usually don't like how my hair looks from the side, but I like this one.

And what in the hell is that? Just kidding, I know what that thing on the side is. My hair is locking. I have a few of these throughout my hair. I can't stand looking at them, so I tuck them into my hair.

Stretching my hair out so that I can see the little monster better. The hair at the base of my head stretches to about arm pit level. About 10 inches, I'd say.

And here are a couple of pics of my outfit today. Straight in from work. My office is a business casual environment, only the upper level executives wear suits (3rd line manager and up). Usually I will wear slacks, skirts, or jeans (and shirts of course silly).

Here's my daughter making an appearance (or is she trying to make a run for it?)

Going on vacation

2007-11-14T22:33:00.000-05:00

I'm going to visit my in-laws this Thanksgiving. And what am I thinking about? My hair, of course. How are they going to react to it? Why am I so worried about what they will think of my hair? Do I care about what my family thinks about it? No, not anymore. Not for years. I know their attitudes about nappy hair that's not combed, and it's all water under the bridge. Do I care what my manager and coworkers think about it? No, actually. I'm out and proud at work, lol. I walk up in there, and my hair is not a concern of mine, and if they look at me funny, I don't notice. Do I care what the grocery checkout girl, daycare provider, and maintenance man think about it? Doesn't even cross my mind to care. Do I care what my husband thinks about it? Yes, I do, I want to feel sexy around him. Luckily he likes it. He'll grab a handful of hair from time to time (it feels good). So, if I don't care what anybody else thinks of my hair besides my husband, why do I have a problem with how my inlaws feel about it?

Week 6 pics

2007-11-14T22:18:00.000-05:00

Here's how my hair looks at 6 weeks. First of all, I HATE the hair shape. Ugh! But I think I can see a little difference between week 1 and now. More of my hair is grouping together. My hair is so easy to take care of. I just shampoo and condition 2-4 times a week, and separate when damp or dry. Some mornings I spray a leave-in conditioner in my hair (to help with the bedhead). Fluff and go.

small freeform locks

2007-11-03T22:26:00.000-04:00

Somehow, I decided that I want small locks. So, as my hair forms these little coils, I make sure that they don't join to form large locks. Meaning that I separate them after I shampoo, while my hair is only slightly damp, or even dry. Which is fine, but my hair being the length that it is, it seems to want to tangle a lot. I'll be glad when it starts locking, I think it'll be easier to separate. Plus, since I'm just separating them from the coils, I'm unsure I'm doing it correctly. I don't want them to be too small, I just can't really see the size of the base. I can't always see where to separate them. The sides don't even form coils, so how will those develop? The top is a wavier texture, so I don't really know how to separate the top either.

It's crazy, because at every step of the process, I'm doubting myself. I'm thinking that I shouldn't do small locks, that it will be too much maintenance for me keeping them separated. I'm thinking that I should not have chosen to do it freeform, because it's kinda difficult to make small locks with my length of hair starting freeform. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how many lock inspiration pics I look at or how many forum posts I read, I really can't imagine or predict how my locks will end up. I can guide them, generally speaking, but the locks will ultimately be what they will be. They will be mine. And they will fit me, and I will love them.

I want long hair

2007-10-28T15:04:00.000-04:00

Man, I really have a problem with short hair. (On me, not on other people.) My hair is around 10 inches now, I guess, when streched. Now it's at the point that it looks 2-3 inches. I hate that it looks so short. Yes, I've worn short hair natural before, numerous times. I've been natural for 8 years, and have cut my hair every 1-2 years after going natural. So I can deal with short hair, but I think I look better with long hair. I definitely feel more feminine with long hair. That's one reason the loose hair calls me. When I wear some natural braids, my hair hits my shoulders, and that feels nice. It's this same old feeling I described here: http://angieslocks.blogspot.com/2005/04/i-think-i-look-like-boy.html

Pics for the first month

2007-10-28T14:53:00.000-04:00

Here are some pics from week one:

Here are some pics from week 4. I don't think they look that different, but I did comb my hair a couple days ago to wear it in a ponytail (can't fit it in a ponytail without it being stretched).

Freeforming at my mom's house

2007-10-17T15:26:00.000-04:00

It's been about 2-3 weeks since I stopped combing my hair to get locks. I took out the other braids, and I'm freeforming. I know that's the best way for me, if I can stick it out. Right now, I am comfortable with my hair. It's really easy, which I love. I'm just waiting for it to start locking.

I was reading a blog I like, and came across this:

i think freeforming is more a state of mind than anything else. it's a belief that whatever direction your hair's own nature dictates is what guides your locks. it's about understanding and accepting the "natural" state of the hair. it's about being comfortable, if not downright happy with its looks, no matter what stage of growth u are in. it's more than just not going to get the hair "done", and more than not doing regular "maintenance" on the locks. it's about believing that it's ok for the hair to appear certain ways somedays, and different on others.

http://rastai.blogspot.com/2006/10/sometimes-it-is-better-to-just-start.html

I really want to cultivate this way of thinking.

I'm visiting my mom, and my family is looking at my uncombed hair. You know, it really doesn't bother me what they think about it. The crazy thing is, they think it's cool that my hair is curling up without me doing anything to it but washing it. And I was thinking that it was going to be a big deal.

Issues with locking and how to deal

2007-08-29T09:50:00.000-04:00

I posted a question on how to stick with locking on my favorite website. Here it is: http://www.nappturality.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=104427 . Most of the people on there said that maybe I'm not ready to lock. I really do want to lock. I'm sitting here with braids in my hair, though, and want to take them out to start via freeform. How can I make locking work for me?

Issue: I want to take out my braids and start again via freeform
How to deal: I have this idea that freeform is the best way to lock. That I'm selling out or something if I don't do it this way. They lock the fastest. The locks are fluffier in the end. <Insert other reasons why freeforms are perfect here> The truth is that it's not perfect for me if I can't stick with it. I always stop freeforming because I honestly can't deal with the look when it starts locking. Just deal with what I have now. I can always freeform later if I want to.

Issue: I don't want to do a bunch of maintenance on my head. I'm a low maintenance girl.
How to deal: Realize that I don't have to do a bunch of maintenance on my head if I don't want to. This thread here (http://www.nappturality.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=104484) shows a lady who started her locks with braids and latches on average every 3 months. I can definitely handle that. Ravenslocs, if I remember correctly, retwists every 3 months or so. And Rockinlocs and alma freeform now. So it's definitely possible, and I can still look nice with low maintenance hair.

Issue: I'm going to want to take them out when they start locking, and I have a half-locked, half-braided head.
How to deal: Suck it up. :-) That's the process. I want locked hair, don't I? I can't control how it looks completely throughout the process. Visualize the end that I want. Locked hair. Also, I can use accessories, head wraps, hats, etc. to hide my hair from myself / focus on other attributes of my appearance during this time. I just got contacts, and I'm totally feeling myself right now. Think of stuff like that.

Issue: I'm going to want to take them out when I see some cute cornrow style or great afro.
How to deal: I KNOW I don't want to deal with my loose hair on a regular basis. Remember that. Also, there are cute styles for locked hair. I can do a lock puff, I can cornrow locks too. Find styles I can do that look nice on my braids / soon-to-be-locks.

Issue: Blah blah blah <insert other reason I supposedly have to take down my hair>
How to deal: Look. I really want to finish something I start. I need to know that I can do that. Make it work.

The urge is strong to take them out

2007-03-13T13:34:00.000-04:00

Okay, locks or loose hair. The advantage of locks is that I don't have to comb my hair. I don't like combing it. But right now, I don't like how it looks. With loose hair, I like the styles that I do (when I feel like doing them), but most of the time I don't do them. Also, my hair is damaged from impatiently pulling the comb through my hair. If I take out the baby locks, will I regret it later? Probably. I always come back to locks, because I want low maintenance long hair, and that's the only way I see that happening. The last few times I've combed out starter locks, I was tired of my hair by the time I finished combing them out. Then I would wear an afro for a few days, then put my hair back up in braids or twists for starter locks. I never did the cute styles I like (beside the afro or puff). With locks I wash, condition, towel dry, and separate. With loose hair I shampoo, condition, towel dry, detangle, moisturize, and style. That detangling and styling takes way too much time.

So what about me not liking how my hair looks. It's just that my hair is so different than what I'm used to. I love how mature locks look, but my hair is not mature. It's just like tangled matted hair at the ends, and the rest is an uncombed afro. I mean, it's exciting that my hair is locking, but this fro with locks floating on top look is not working for me. A couple of times when I went out somewhere, I put a scarf on, and that looked cute. But doing that seems like it would slow the process in the front, because after I take the scarf off, my hair in the front looks much straighter and stretched out. So that's out except for special occasions. How about tams and/or headwraps for those days? That could work. Naani has some hats I like.

You know what, though? I do love how my hair feels. And I like seeing the locks develop. I just have to keep visualizing the end result that I want. And hide my hair from myself when I am not feeling it.

Still freeforming and the kid

2007-03-04T22:04:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm still locking. And given my history, I think that's something. Although I have had some major urges to comb my hair out, and start over with braids or twists. I just remind myself why I wanted to lock my hair this way, and look at freeform pictures and blogs to visualize the outcome that I want, and then I'm okay.

Sometimes it's hard to trust my hair to lock on its own. I see approximately 10 baby locks, which are tangled either at or close to the ends of the hair. The rest of my hair looks like it normally does when I wear a wash and go. I just can't see yet how the rest of my hair is going to group together. And I get tempted, remembering starting my hair with braids or twists. At least then I had control, and I could imagine how my hair would develop. *sigh* PATIENCE.

I was babysitting a 4 year old for a friend of mine this Thursday. During that day, we had the following conversation.

"Why do you wear your hair like that?" she asked me.

"Because I like it," I told her.

"Well, you should wear your hair in braids."

No, I was not offended by what she said. After all, she is only 4, and it's just a hairstyle she hasn't seen before. The funny thing is, a few years ago I would have been very upset by her simple statement.

pics 3 weeks in

2007-02-23T16:42:00.000-05:00

Here are pics of my hair 3 weeks in. Before I started, my hair was about 9-10 inches. It shrunk quite a bit.

My hair is starting to group in a few different places. Already!

Thoughts about freeform locks

2007-02-20T15:12:00.000-05:00

It's very easy to do -- and that's what I need. I am not the kind of person that likes to fiddle around with her hair. I don't know how I had the patience to deal with my loose hair for 8 years. I guess that's why I've tried to lock my hair so many times.

I'm only 3 weeks in, and I think that this time I can stick with it. My hair is already starting to group together in some places. Also, my hair does not look unkempt to me, I like the style in the meantime. And my hair is amazing me. It can lock if I just shampoo and condition it. I just need to be patient and let it happen.

It's crazy, I think that this method is best for me and my hair. There is no illusion of control as there is with other methods -- I'm just letting my hair do what it does. This helps, so I am not expecting every strand of hair to be in place. I don't have to spend hours starting my hair (or pay money to someone else to start it). I don't have to deal with the scalpy look in the beginning weeks. I don't have to worry about the hair unraveling. I don't have to wait to shampoo or condition it. I'm not worried about buildup. I won't have to spend time retwisting. I can be me.

Feeling good, no worries

2005-05-25T16:27:00.000-04:00

I'm just really enjoying not having to do much of anything to my hair. All I do is wash it when I feel like it (once or twice a week) and go. I latched my hair at week 4, 1 1/2 weeks ago. I wet it as much as I want, and don't have to really worry about any of the twists coming out, which is fabulous. Daily I wet my hair with water, or spray with Greg Juice and go. When I latched my hair, on about half of the twists, there was a solid part of hair close to the scalp that I had to latch around. My hair is starting to lock already! And I'm loving it.

No more hair albums (for now)

2005-05-09T15:17:00.000-04:00

Well, I think I will be okay. Today I was feeling around my hair, and feeling like I wanted to take them out. Later, after I read some of my old thoughts about why I wanted to lock my hair in this way, and also remembering that I don't want to take them aloose just to redo them with braids (or anything else), I felt a little better about them. Now I don't want to take out my hair.

But what triggered the want to take them out in the first place? Actually, I know what it was. I was on Nappturality, and I saw a few people's hair albums. They were cultivated locks, of course. And I was comparing their beautiful locks to my hair, and my hair was not measuring up. I NEED TO STOP LOOKING AT HAIR ALBUMS IN THIS STAGE IN THE GAME. For me, they make me feel inadequate. So, until I can see the beauty of my own hair, I will not be looking at other hair albums.

Why is this so hard, this letting go? Letting my hair do what it does naturally is much more difficult than I thought it would be.

To my higher self: Let me be open to what my lock journey will teach me. Let me be patient, and not give up.

Okay so far

2005-04-29T10:17:00.000-04:00

Feeling good almost 2 weeks in. I really think this is going to be it.

Pics one week in

2005-04-24T21:54:00.000-04:00

Well, I wanted to show how my hair looks, so here are a few pictures of my hair one week after I twisted my hair. I rinsed my hair 3 times since Monday.

A couple of my twists in the back came aloose when I rinsed my hair, so I braided those.

And this is how my hair looks stretched out. It is 4 inches now.

Started them again for the last time

2005-04-21T14:38:00.000-04:00

I started my locks AGAIN this Monday. This time I used. I started over because I wanted control over the size of the locks, and because I thought that freeform would take too long (the locks have to bunch together first, then mat, whereas with the twists, they only have to mat). I have 112 locks, which I think is a lovely number. So, I did my hair by making 6 parts (two at the top, 4 in the back). I had washed my hair the day before, so it was dry. So that day, I used aloe vera juice to spritz my hair, to get it wet and twist. Since then I have rinsed my hair once and it is fine so far. And my hair feels really soft. I plan to rinse my hair every other day, and wash for the first time two weeks in, then wash once a week after that. We'll see how it goes.

Another day, another start to my locks

2005-04-18T15:30:00.000-04:00

*sigh* I combed my hair out this past weekend and I'm going to start locks with twists today. Why did I start over again? Well, in looking at my hair, after two weeks, I couldn't really see where the locks were going to form, just my individual coils. I think I want more control over the size of my locks, and I think starting them with twists will do that for me. I just think I want more control overall. I think that I will be maintaining infrequently, but I want the option to maintain if I want.

Insecurities during the lock journey

2005-04-14T15:27:00.000-04:00

I read a wonderful post on my favorite hair site. One person had taken down her twists that she was trying to start locks with. A lovely lady put her thoughts on that:

I understand because I went through the same thing on my first loc journey. I lasted almost 8 months until my insecurities took over. I let people get to me, make me weak to the point of hating my babies. This second journey has been SO much more fulfilling, and I am internally stronger and able to deal with my loc adversaries with a positive attitude. I am so happy that I started over and left all of the negativity behind with my first set. With the second rebirth, I did go through periods where I didn’t understand what my babies were doing but I still remained tolerant of them. I never really learned to love the frizzies, but more importantly, I never hated them.. Remember that you may not enjoy each and every stage that you go through, but as you preserve through each stage, you will gain a little more strength until you make it through the rough spots. In the end, you will be so proud of yourself for doing the dern thang! Making it through this second journey has empowered me in so many other areas of my life! I have learned that I can do all things (through Christ – yeah you know it! Bible thumper and proud of it!) and I have made so many changes to my internal as well as my external. That is why I never recommend loc extensions, etc, because you might miss out on some important lessons by taking the shortcut.

Girl your first set (color and everything) were beautiful, but if you didn’t feel it, then it was wasted space and time. So good-bye to the old, hello to the new. You are gonna be fierce with some locs! Simply beautiful! You will loc again and you will look & feel marvelous.

***I am glad that I was able to re-loc with a positive spirit and an unconditional, unequivocal love for each and every loc on my big fat head. ***

I think that's beautiful, and that's the attitude I want to have with my locks.

Focus ...

2005-04-07T13:31:00.000-04:00

Today is not the best day. I look at other people's hair albums, and seriously covet their hair. I covet the cultivated locks. I covet the freeform locks. I don't see anyone's hair that looks like mine, though, and I feel inadequate. :-( I need to keep in mind why I want freeform locks. I don't want to have to play with my hair, period. That's the kind of girl I am. I don't want to spend hours on my hair to put in braids / cornrows, twists, or to retwist or latch locks. I don't want to go to someone else and have them do my hair. And I definitely don't want to comb an afro (for me, that gets tired after a week). Basically, I want long (or big), low maintenance hair. Which leads me to freeform locks. Remember that. And remember that it does and will continue to look good.

I think I look like a boy

2005-04-04T14:36:00.000-04:00

I feel very introspective, so I'm trying to figure out why I always get rid of my locks. Do I care what people at work think? Not particularly, actually. Do I care what my family says? Not anymore, if it doesn't agree with what I think. The only thing that matters is what I think of it. When I have an issue with it, it is usually because I don't think it's "pretty". I'm already insecure at times because sometimes I get mistaken for a guy (I'm hairy, I don't have long, straight hair). So I sometimes feel that my hair should be more fixed (as if that will solve those issues for me). Meaning more smooth or sleek, less frizz, longer. I think that is the issue with locks for me. Short or nappy, but for God's sakes not both at the same time. So what can I do to help with that? First of all, I need to realize what it is that makes me a girl (ovaries, XX sex chromosomes, etc.). Also, I need to develop my own style, that locks fits into. I do care about my appearance, and I should take the time to make it show. (google possible search terms: not a girly-girl, tomboy) Do things such as giving myself manicure, pedicure, wear cute clothes, including necklace and/or earrings and/or perfume. I want to make up a grooming / appearance regimen that I will follow. Think of things I need to do every day (moisturize, wash face) and every week (manicure, pedicure). Even though I am not a girly girl, I can make sure I don't look sloppy (which is how I look now). At any rate, I think I am getting slightly off subject. The point is that there are things I can do to combat that feeling. Also, I just need to look at my hair as a work-in-progress. Or like a science project. Just observe the changes, visualizing the end that I want.

Hey, do you know what? I think I understand why I've compared my hair to others all the time, and why I end up switching so much. It's a possibility that just occurred to me. I look at some people's hair, and how it goes in to their whole look. And they look like a woman, they look attractive, they have confidence, they are what I want to be. So I change my hair to look like theirs. And it doesn't make me feel any better about myself.

My last freeform beginning

2005-04-03T14:15:00.000-04:00

*sigh* I am starting again. This time I am starting them via freeform. Just wash and go. Therefore, all I did was wash my hair. I plan to wash them once or twice a week, and spray them with water every day I don't wash them. So far today I think it looks fine. After about 1-2 weeks, that's when it starts looking crazy, with all methods.

I've started locks so many times, and with so many methods, it's ridiculous. I've started my locks freeform (wash and go), twists, braids, comb coils, palm rolls. I've tried to lock at least 10 times. I've cut off 3 sets of locks (the longest I kept locks was 7 months). What's going on with me, and why can't I be satisfied with them?