small freeform locks

Somehow, I decided that I want small locks. So, as my hair forms these little coils, I make sure that they don't join to form large locks. Meaning that I separate them after I shampoo, while my hair is only slightly damp, or even dry. Which is fine, but my hair being the length that it is, it seems to want to tangle a lot. I'll be glad when it starts locking, I think it'll be easier to separate. Plus, since I'm just separating them from the coils, I'm unsure I'm doing it correctly. I don't want them to be too small, I just can't really see the size of the base. I can't always see where to separate them. The sides don't even form coils, so how will those develop? The top is a wavier texture, so I don't really know how to separate the top either.

It's crazy, because at every step of the process, I'm doubting myself. I'm thinking that I shouldn't do small locks, that it will be too much maintenance for me keeping them separated. I'm thinking that I should not have chosen to do it freeform, because it's kinda difficult to make small locks with my length of hair starting freeform. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how many lock inspiration pics I look at or how many forum posts I read, I really can't imagine or predict how my locks will end up. I can guide them, generally speaking, but the locks will ultimately be what they will be. They will be mine. And they will fit me, and I will love them.

I want long hair

Man, I really have a problem with short hair. (On me, not on other people.) My hair is around 10 inches now, I guess, when streched. Now it's at the point that it looks 2-3 inches. I hate that it looks so short. Yes, I've worn short hair natural before, numerous times. I've been natural for 8 years, and have cut my hair every 1-2 years after going natural. So I can deal with short hair, but I think I look better with long hair. I definitely feel more feminine with long hair. That's one reason the loose hair calls me. When I wear some natural braids, my hair hits my shoulders, and that feels nice. It's this same old feeling I described here: http://angieslocks.blogspot.com/2005/04/i-think-i-look-like-boy.html

Pics for the first month

Here are some pics from week one:

Here are some pics from week 4. I don't think they look that different, but I did comb my hair a couple days ago to wear it in a ponytail (can't fit it in a ponytail without it being stretched).

Freeforming at my mom's house

It's been about 2-3 weeks since I stopped combing my hair to get locks. I took out the other braids, and I'm freeforming. I know that's the best way for me, if I can stick it out. Right now, I am comfortable with my hair. It's really easy, which I love. I'm just waiting for it to start locking.

I was reading a blog I like, and came across this:

i think freeforming is more a state of mind than anything else. it's a belief that whatever direction your hair's own nature dictates is what guides your locks. it's about understanding and accepting the "natural" state of the hair. it's about being comfortable, if not downright happy with its looks, no matter what stage of growth u are in. it's more than just not going to get the hair "done", and more than not doing regular "maintenance" on the locks. it's about believing that it's ok for the hair to appear certain ways somedays, and different on others.

http://rastai.blogspot.com/2006/10/sometimes-it-is-better-to-just-start.html

I really want to cultivate this way of thinking.

I'm visiting my mom, and my family is looking at my uncombed hair. You know, it really doesn't bother me what they think about it. The crazy thing is, they think it's cool that my hair is curling up without me doing anything to it but washing it. And I was thinking that it was going to be a big deal.

Issues with locking and how to deal

I posted a question on how to stick with locking on my favorite website. Here it is: http://www.nappturality.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=104427 . Most of the people on there said that maybe I'm not ready to lock. I really do want to lock. I'm sitting here with braids in my hair, though, and want to take them out to start via freeform. How can I make locking work for me?

Issue: I want to take out my braids and start again via freeform
How to deal: I have this idea that freeform is the best way to lock. That I'm selling out or something if I don't do it this way. They lock the fastest. The locks are fluffier in the end. <Insert other reasons why freeforms are perfect here> The truth is that it's not perfect for me if I can't stick with it. I always stop freeforming because I honestly can't deal with the look when it starts locking. Just deal with what I have now. I can always freeform later if I want to.

Issue: I don't want to do a bunch of maintenance on my head. I'm a low maintenance girl.
How to deal: Realize that I don't have to do a bunch of maintenance on my head if I don't want to. This thread here (http://www.nappturality.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=104484) shows a lady who started her locks with braids and latches on average every 3 months. I can definitely handle that. Ravenslocs, if I remember correctly, retwists every 3 months or so. And Rockinlocs and alma freeform now. So it's definitely possible, and I can still look nice with low maintenance hair.

Issue: I'm going to want to take them out when they start locking, and I have a half-locked, half-braided head.
How to deal: Suck it up. :-) That's the process. I want locked hair, don't I? I can't control how it looks completely throughout the process. Visualize the end that I want. Locked hair. Also, I can use accessories, head wraps, hats, etc. to hide my hair from myself / focus on other attributes of my appearance during this time. I just got contacts, and I'm totally feeling myself right now. Think of stuff like that.

Issue: I'm going to want to take them out when I see some cute cornrow style or great afro.
How to deal: I KNOW I don't want to deal with my loose hair on a regular basis. Remember that. Also, there are cute styles for locked hair. I can do a lock puff, I can cornrow locks too. Find styles I can do that look nice on my braids / soon-to-be-locks.

Issue: Blah blah blah <insert other reason I supposedly have to take down my hair>
How to deal: Look. I really want to finish something I start. I need to know that I can do that. Make it work.

The urge is strong to take them out

Okay, locks or loose hair. The advantage of locks is that I don't have to comb my hair. I don't like combing it. But right now, I don't like how it looks. With loose hair, I like the styles that I do (when I feel like doing them), but most of the time I don't do them. Also, my hair is damaged from impatiently pulling the comb through my hair. If I take out the baby locks, will I regret it later? Probably. I always come back to locks, because I want low maintenance long hair, and that's the only way I see that happening. The last few times I've combed out starter locks, I was tired of my hair by the time I finished combing them out. Then I would wear an afro for a few days, then put my hair back up in braids or twists for starter locks. I never did the cute styles I like (beside the afro or puff). With locks I wash, condition, towel dry, and separate. With loose hair I shampoo, condition, towel dry, detangle, moisturize, and style. That detangling and styling takes way too much time.

So what about me not liking how my hair looks. It's just that my hair is so different than what I'm used to. I love how mature locks look, but my hair is not mature. It's just like tangled matted hair at the ends, and the rest is an uncombed afro. I mean, it's exciting that my hair is locking, but this fro with locks floating on top look is not working for me. A couple of times when I went out somewhere, I put a scarf on, and that looked cute. But doing that seems like it would slow the process in the front, because after I take the scarf off, my hair in the front looks much straighter and stretched out. So that's out except for special occasions. How about tams and/or headwraps for those days? That could work. Naani has some hats I like.

You know what, though? I do love how my hair feels. And I like seeing the locks develop. I just have to keep visualizing the end result that I want. And hide my hair from myself when I am not feeling it.

Still freeforming and the kid

Well, I'm still locking. And given my history, I think that's something. Although I have had some major urges to comb my hair out, and start over with braids or twists. I just remind myself why I wanted to lock my hair this way, and look at freeform pictures and blogs to visualize the outcome that I want, and then I'm okay.

Sometimes it's hard to trust my hair to lock on its own. I see approximately 10 baby locks, which are tangled either at or close to the ends of the hair. The rest of my hair looks like it normally does when I wear a wash and go. I just can't see yet how the rest of my hair is going to group together. And I get tempted, remembering starting my hair with braids or twists. At least then I had control, and I could imagine how my hair would develop. *sigh* PATIENCE.

I was babysitting a 4 year old for a friend of mine this Thursday. During that day, we had the following conversation.

"Why do you wear your hair like that?" she asked me.

"Because I like it," I told her.

"Well, you should wear your hair in braids."

No, I was not offended by what she said. After all, she is only 4, and it's just a hairstyle she hasn't seen before. The funny thing is, a few years ago I would have been very upset by her simple statement.