I feel very introspective, so I'm trying to figure out why I always get rid of my locks. Do I care what people at work think? Not particularly, actually. Do I care what my family says? Not anymore, if it doesn't agree with what I think. The only thing that matters is what I think of it. When I have an issue with it, it is usually because I don't think it's "pretty". I'm already insecure at times because sometimes I get mistaken for a guy (I'm hairy, I don't have long, straight hair). So I sometimes feel that my hair should be more fixed (as if that will solve those issues for me). Meaning more smooth or sleek, less frizz, longer. I think that is the issue with locks for me. Short or nappy, but for God's sakes not both at the same time. So what can I do to help with that? First of all, I need to realize what it is that makes me a girl (ovaries, XX sex chromosomes, etc.). Also, I need to develop my own style, that locks fits into. I do care about my appearance, and I should take the time to make it show. (google possible search terms: not a girly-girl, tomboy) Do things such as giving myself manicure, pedicure, wear cute clothes, including necklace and/or earrings and/or perfume. I want to make up a grooming / appearance regimen that I will follow. Think of things I need to do every day (moisturize, wash face) and every week (manicure, pedicure). Even though I am not a girly girl, I can make sure I don't look sloppy (which is how I look now). At any rate, I think I am getting slightly off subject. The point is that there are things I can do to combat that feeling. Also, I just need to look at my hair as a work-in-progress. Or like a science project. Just observe the changes, visualizing the end that I want.
Hey, do you know what? I think I understand why I've compared my hair to others all the time, and why I end up switching so much. It's a possibility that just occurred to me. I look at some people's hair, and how it goes in to their whole look. And they look like a woman, they look attractive, they have confidence, they are what I want to be. So I change my hair to look like theirs. And it doesn't make me feel any better about myself.