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I went to a friend's birthday party this week. At the party, another person asked me questions about my hair. Simple questions like how I take care of it, how do I comb it, how do I deal with the knots in my hair.
Well, I just wash, condition, and oil it. It's pretty easy." I said.
"Well, isn't it hard to comb when you finally comb it out?"
"I don't comb it because I'm locking my hair."
"Well how will you know how big they will be, how many you'll have?" She has a worried and slightly disgusted look on her face.
Sigh. "I separate my hair after I wash it, so it will be the size I want it to be."
"Well, you know you can go to somebody who can start dreads for you, right? They will do them for you and they will look nice." Little miss expert.
"Yes, I know. But this is the way I want to do it. It's simple, and it costs less."
She didn't say anything else about that subject. Several things I want to say about this conversation. First of all, why, oh why do people who don't have dreadlocks want to give you advice on dreadlocks? I cannot count the number of times when I have told someone that I was locking my hair, and got all kinds of advice on how to start them, not to wash my hair for X weeks/months, to use beeswax, to go to so and so every 2 weeks to get my hair twisted, etc. And they don't even say it like, "so and so has locks and he told me blah blah blah." They say it like they personally have done X, Y, Z, and know for sure that it grows great locks. It irritates me to no end.
Second of all, there was this implication when talking with her that you can't just grow dreads. You have to go somewhere and get them done, or do something with the hair to have nice dreads. If not, they will look like you know what. I guess part of this is ignorance, and I can't fault her for that. If everybody she knows goes to get them done, I guess she wouldn't know another way. Maybe it's part of black women's culture that you have to go to the beauty salon and get your hair "done" every few weeks. I don't know, I'm still trying to figure it out. If not wanting to go to a salon and have someone else be in control of my hair is lazy, I guess I'm lazy. If only having to wash, condition, oil, and separate is lazy, I guess I'm lazy.
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21 comments:
You're not lazy at all. I sounds like you're having fun and enjoying your hair. Even salon lockers get odd/negative responses. I've been asked when I'm taking my hair aloose. It should be long and healthy when I get it relaxed. When they find out it's locking it goes downhill from there. I don't know. I guess people like hair styles like they want their fast food. The same way each time and fast.
Be glad you're not fooling with tools, bobby pins, crochet needles, latch hooks, and yarn needles. I'm beginning to have those 'look at the roots' thoughts like I did when I was relaxed. Wondering how long can I go without retightening before my locks fall off.
No, you're not lazy. You're just very smart.
carmen, I never thought about it, but I guess everyone gets some comments. Even the salon locks don't look perfect, like in the magazines. And after all, they are still not relaxed hair, lol.
Yeah, I've tried latch hooks and palm rolling in the past, and I hated doing it. Even though it was less work than my loose hair, it was too much work for me.
Angela I remember almost a month ago my looked at me as if I did the nastiest thing in the world when I told her I was freeforming. Her face was all screwed up and said, "ewww I don't like that". So I told her, "well it's a good thing you aren't doing it". I haven't been around too many folks with my hair uncovered but now that they are staying put, I tend to start stepping out the house with them uncovered more. I think you were very patient when talking to her. I really applaud you for not being defensive towards the poor girl.
yeah, tam, freeforming's not that popular, I don't think. Why do some people find it so disgusting? But I'm nothing if not patient with other people. I'm pretty sure that girl will never like my hair. I just want her to be tolerant of the hairstyle.
thanks for hte helpful comments. I will definetly use this when the negative feedback arises. It's not laziness in the least bit, just another way to form locks. As I first time freeformer, I am excited about it and you've inspired me to pursue it head on!! Thank for the wonderful blog!! May YHWH bless you and yours.
Thanks Anonymous. Also, I'm glad I could help.
Many people have listened to too many companies just looking to push products or services. When ignorance runs deep it's up to those who have broken free of it to be the guiding paternal figure.
I don't cover my dreads, no tams or anything like that. People need to ask the questions in order to educate themselves. Wear your dreads with pride. :)
So many people are wearing dreadlock styles, with no true understanding of the origins. It is a trend these day, and quickly loosing it's substance.
The neatest locks are often perfected with extensions. How "natural" is that?
I prefer free-forming locks. The purpose for me is the freedom from salons and extensive hair styling. Just trying to let it be me, 100%.
Enjoy the journey!
What's so funny is that any dreadlock conversation Bob will be mentioned (which of course they're like "but HIS were beautiful") and I look at people like okay, what do you think his way of growing dreads was? Idiots.
I'm trying to free form and I'm also growing annoyed with people telling me to go to the shop. Anyway I just wanted to know did you twist yours first or just let them form naturally
Hi Cazre,
I started with an afro, washed, then went along from there. ( http://angieslocks.blogspot.com/2007/10/pics-for-first-month.html ). My hair has this curly / kinky / nappy thing going on after I wash it, but I didn't twist it. I started feeling a few locked areas within 4 weeks, but then again my hair tangles very easily. Some people can take over a year for the hair to start tangling depending on the texture. I would guess that most people with afro hair will start to see things happening within 3-6 months.
Good luck with your hair. Yes, some people won't understand what you are doing, most haven't really been exposed to the method, or can only think of homeless people doing it. They don't know that you can grow beautiful locks via freeform.
I use to go to the salon for my locs then I started doing it myself but lately I have been letting them do their own thing. I have been told that freeform looks unkept and this came from a close family member but I love my locs.
Keep up the good work I used to have freeform dreads untill I cut them off due to damage snd bring forced to cut them by my mom in December
Currently I have extensions and I hate it and my hair hate even more so thank u for ur blog to keep up the freeform look and less time at the salon
@ Nubian
Hey, that's great, loving your own hair is what's important!
@ Zee Turmelle
Actually I cut those locks off, although I do sometimes wish I didn't.
I've been locking my hair for about 10 years. I have them professionally twisted, but I want to let them do their own thing because I think the twisting can damage the hair. Is it to late to start freeforming my locks?
Hi Kimberly,
I must first say that I haven't had locks as long as you, and I am really saying what I "think", not what I know to be true in your case.
I don't think it's ever too late to freeform. I also think that if you also just want to lighten up on the twisting by getting them done half as often or twisting them yourself (which will probably not be as tightly done as a professional would do), that could work as well.
I have been loc'd for almost 8 years now. I have just stopped retwisting my locs a few months ago and I love it. Freeform is not lazy because you are still taking care of them just in a different way. I love my locs and they are here to stay.
Nubian
Thanks Nubian Queen Ms. V for your comment! It's great to hear from someone who's been locking for awhile.
Not a problem.....
Until I read this post, I felt I was alone in getting the negative comments about being a do it yourself dread. I have been a dread for over two and a half years and just started freeforming. However, I started them on my own and so they are different sizes and widths. Even though I twisted, they looked unmanicured I guess and people were always suggested that I go to someone to get them "fixed" or this new pruning thing. It seems everybody goes to get them "installed" now. I have nothing against it but it seems going to a salon is thought to be an essential part of the process. Thanks!
Hi Anonomous @ 2/24/2014!
Yes, you understand exactly where I'm coming from. Everyone doesn't have to go to a salon! Every strand does not have to be in place.
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