6 MONTHS!

I made it to 6 months of locking freeform. When I first started, I wasn't sure I would have them in for that long. And now I realize that 6 months is such a short time, and I'm looking forward to the years to come. Anyway, here are the few pics. Oh, by the way, yes, the smile is fake, but believe me, I look much better smiling.

I was trying to show in that last pic how much of my hair is locked. Maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of each lock is locked. I still see lots of afro, but it's obvious to all by now that my hair is locking. Do you think that if I say that I'm being patient enough times, my hair would actually start to look like locks from the front?

Separation - Video

I made a video of myself separating my hair. The video is only 5 minutes long. I didn't write a script for it or anything, so I'm not sure if it's clear what I'm doing. I didn't explain in the video, but to remind everyone, I started locking by just washing my hair. I separate to somewhat control the size of my locks. Anyway, this should give those who might not know a feeling of how one person separates their hair.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF5P8Zgc15I

Jamaica

I recently went to Jamaica for the first time and I LOVE THAT PLACE. I went to Negril with a couple girlfriends of mine for 5 days (not nearly enough time). One of my friends is Jamaican, which was good because she speaks the patois, and also knows how much stuff should cost so we don't feel like we're getting ripped off too much. But anyway, here are a couple of my thoughts and experiences.

What is up with Jamaican men? Please tell me so that I can know. My friends and I got hit on CONSTANTLY. Wherever we went, at least 2 out of the 3 of us would get hit on. I can also say that each of us has stopped traffic in Jamaica. My friend got hit on by the policeman that stopped her for speeding. And they're persistant, too. I told one guy that I'm married and he said "What happens in Jamaica stays in Jamaica". One of my friends showed a guy her wedding ring and he said "I have rings too". We went to Mayfield Falls one day (which is amazing, by the way) and this dude stopped his tour to yell across to my friend that he wished he could lay across her butt, and use it as a pillow. Maybe the first day it was flattering, but it got old really quickly. If you want to feel wanted, though, go to Jamaica.

Man, I got so many compliments on my hair, it was ridiculous. People were calling me Ras or Rasta all over the place, lol. Seriously. No one really thought I was a Rasta (at least I don't think so), but that's what I was called half the time by the locals. Probably because I am locking my hair the Rasta way. One day on the beach, there were a couple Rastas painting and selling their paintings. The guy complimented me on my hair. I was flattered, of course. It's almost like validation, getting complimented by Rastas, I can't explain exactly why. Then I asked him how he locked his hair, and for advice and they both started talking. Saying that the ocean water is good for your hair. Also, just to wash it a lot and let it air dry (no towel). I swear, they sounded just like RasTai, they said the same things he says. However, there was one Rasta that I met that asked me "are you a Rasta or is that just a hairstyle?" I didn't exactly know how to answer that. Of course I'm not a Rasta, but my hair is coming to mean more to me than just a hairstyle. He also asked me if I knew about King Selassie, and I guess what I said wasn't what he wanted to hear, so I got some lecture about not knowing my culture. But anyway ...

So many of the Rastas that I met were really nice. Also they were trying to tell / teach me about their religion and culture. I'm not sure why, maybe I look receptive to it (which I am). One Rasta I met at Mayfield Falls was telling me about his diet and natural living. While I was in Jamaica, I ate some ital food (more on ital food) which was delicious (I haven't eaten meat for 2 months and don't plan to eat any anytime soon).

Okay, I could go on and on about Jamaica (I loved it and I have so many stories I could tell, i.e. this club called The Jungle where a few of the women really had their stuff hanging out for all to see, and some drunk spring breakers letting guys do stuff that I'm sure they would regret in the morning). But I'm sleepy and I think I will let this be.

5 months in

Nothing to say, here are the pics!

I am beautiful

I'm not sure why I am even putting these thoughts on this blog, because these thoughts are kinda related to locks, but not really. But anyway ...

I've had problems in the past with insecurities about my looks. I even wrote about it on here once, a couple years ago (http://angieslocks.blogspot.com/2005/04/i-think-i-look-like-boy.html). When I was younger, I never thought I was ugly, exactly, but I definitely didn't think I was anything special. My dad used to always tell me I was beautiful, but I didn't believe him. He had to say that, right? He's my dad. I don't know where my insecurities came from, because no one told me I was ugly that I can remember. Most of elementary school, I went to a small private school (~100-150 students total, 6 or so in my grade), and everybody pretty much looked like me. I mean, everybody was black, my same skin tone, and beauty was not a focus at that school.

I never had problems getting a date, that's not even it. I dated in high school (even though I wasn't allowed to). In college, I dated even more than I dated in high school. And now I'm married to a husband that often tells me I look good. But, as they always say, other people can't give you self esteem. When I was in relationships I did things that showed that I was insecure, even though my partner would tell me that I was fine, or he loved me.

But now, surprisingly, as I am going through this process with my locks, I am loving myself. As I look in the mirror at my hair, I also notice the beauty of my eyes. As I fall in love with my developing buds, I also fall in love with my ears, and my nose (which I'm trying to decide if I want to pierce). As I accept the short parts of my hair (short because the edges of my hair fell out after I had my baby), I accept my weak chin. As I patiently wait for my hair to fully lock, I also patiently wait while observing the changes in my body as I work towards my goal weight and healthiness. As I ignore the confused / disbelieving / disgusted looks of those around me I ignore the voices of society that say that someone that looks like me isn't beautiful.

This is not to say I think I am perfect. Of course I don't. I'm not going to be auditioning for America's Next Top Model anytime soon. And there are still things I don't like about my appearance, and things that I want to change. But even if no one else in the whole world sees it, I see my beauty, and accept myself now as I am, and as I want to be.

Sharing this song from The Color Purple (my favorite play right now). Fantasia singing "I'm Here". This is the part of the play when Celie truly realizes her beauty. I especially like the end of the song.

I love ...

I love ...

the heaviness of my hair when it's soaked in the shower before a shampoo

that my hair still has that afro look

finding a new baby lock

anticipating that day when I can say my hair is "locked"

realizing that my hair is growing

the texture of the locked portions of my hair

molesting my hair :-)

looking at my hair in the mirror

getting up, fluffing, and going in the mornings

washing whenever I feel like it

getting an unexpected compliment about my hair

doing (almost) nothing to my hair

wondering how it will look in a week, a month, a year, 5 years

feeling confident about my hair

my hair!

I'm four months into it, here are a couple of pictures




Man, the back really just looks like an afro in that picture. I swear it looks slightly lockish in person. But comparing from pictures of when I first started, I can definitely see progress.



I really started this blog because I am one of those people who's started locks more times than I can count. I always took them down or cut them off. It was very frustrating. So I wanted to get down my thoughts, neuroses, etc., about locks and what would make me want to cut them off (so I could analyze them to death, I guess). But this time, for some reason, I really don't have any problems with them. I don't care what other people say about them. I don't feel unfeminine with them as I have in the past. I am not stressing about the way they are developing (well, not most days). In other words, my mindset is completely different. I don't really know how or why, but I'm going with it.