Going on vacation

I'm going to visit my in-laws this Thanksgiving. And what am I thinking about? My hair, of course. How are they going to react to it? Why am I so worried about what they will think of my hair? Do I care about what my family thinks about it? No, not anymore. Not for years. I know their attitudes about nappy hair that's not combed, and it's all water under the bridge. Do I care what my manager and coworkers think about it? No, actually. I'm out and proud at work, lol. I walk up in there, and my hair is not a concern of mine, and if they look at me funny, I don't notice. Do I care what the grocery checkout girl, daycare provider, and maintenance man think about it? Doesn't even cross my mind to care. Do I care what my husband thinks about it? Yes, I do, I want to feel sexy around him. Luckily he likes it. He'll grab a handful of hair from time to time (it feels good). So, if I don't care what anybody else thinks of my hair besides my husband, why do I have a problem with how my inlaws feel about it?

Week 6 pics

Here's how my hair looks at 6 weeks. First of all, I HATE the hair shape. Ugh! But I think I can see a little difference between week 1 and now. More of my hair is grouping together. My hair is so easy to take care of. I just shampoo and condition 2-4 times a week, and separate when damp or dry. Some mornings I spray a leave-in conditioner in my hair (to help with the bedhead). Fluff and go.

small freeform locks

Somehow, I decided that I want small locks. So, as my hair forms these little coils, I make sure that they don't join to form large locks. Meaning that I separate them after I shampoo, while my hair is only slightly damp, or even dry. Which is fine, but my hair being the length that it is, it seems to want to tangle a lot. I'll be glad when it starts locking, I think it'll be easier to separate. Plus, since I'm just separating them from the coils, I'm unsure I'm doing it correctly. I don't want them to be too small, I just can't really see the size of the base. I can't always see where to separate them. The sides don't even form coils, so how will those develop? The top is a wavier texture, so I don't really know how to separate the top either.

It's crazy, because at every step of the process, I'm doubting myself. I'm thinking that I shouldn't do small locks, that it will be too much maintenance for me keeping them separated. I'm thinking that I should not have chosen to do it freeform, because it's kinda difficult to make small locks with my length of hair starting freeform. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how many lock inspiration pics I look at or how many forum posts I read, I really can't imagine or predict how my locks will end up. I can guide them, generally speaking, but the locks will ultimately be what they will be. They will be mine. And they will fit me, and I will love them.

I want long hair

Man, I really have a problem with short hair. (On me, not on other people.) My hair is around 10 inches now, I guess, when streched. Now it's at the point that it looks 2-3 inches. I hate that it looks so short. Yes, I've worn short hair natural before, numerous times. I've been natural for 8 years, and have cut my hair every 1-2 years after going natural. So I can deal with short hair, but I think I look better with long hair. I definitely feel more feminine with long hair. That's one reason the loose hair calls me. When I wear some natural braids, my hair hits my shoulders, and that feels nice. It's this same old feeling I described here: http://angieslocks.blogspot.com/2005/04/i-think-i-look-like-boy.html

Pics for the first month

Here are some pics from week one:

Here are some pics from week 4. I don't think they look that different, but I did comb my hair a couple days ago to wear it in a ponytail (can't fit it in a ponytail without it being stretched).

Freeforming at my mom's house

It's been about 2-3 weeks since I stopped combing my hair to get locks. I took out the other braids, and I'm freeforming. I know that's the best way for me, if I can stick it out. Right now, I am comfortable with my hair. It's really easy, which I love. I'm just waiting for it to start locking.

I was reading a blog I like, and came across this:

i think freeforming is more a state of mind than anything else. it's a belief that whatever direction your hair's own nature dictates is what guides your locks. it's about understanding and accepting the "natural" state of the hair. it's about being comfortable, if not downright happy with its looks, no matter what stage of growth u are in. it's more than just not going to get the hair "done", and more than not doing regular "maintenance" on the locks. it's about believing that it's ok for the hair to appear certain ways somedays, and different on others.

http://rastai.blogspot.com/2006/10/sometimes-it-is-better-to-just-start.html

I really want to cultivate this way of thinking.

I'm visiting my mom, and my family is looking at my uncombed hair. You know, it really doesn't bother me what they think about it. The crazy thing is, they think it's cool that my hair is curling up without me doing anything to it but washing it. And I was thinking that it was going to be a big deal.

Issues with locking and how to deal

I posted a question on how to stick with locking on my favorite website. Here it is: http://www.nappturality.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=104427 . Most of the people on there said that maybe I'm not ready to lock. I really do want to lock. I'm sitting here with braids in my hair, though, and want to take them out to start via freeform. How can I make locking work for me?

Issue: I want to take out my braids and start again via freeform
How to deal: I have this idea that freeform is the best way to lock. That I'm selling out or something if I don't do it this way. They lock the fastest. The locks are fluffier in the end. <Insert other reasons why freeforms are perfect here> The truth is that it's not perfect for me if I can't stick with it. I always stop freeforming because I honestly can't deal with the look when it starts locking. Just deal with what I have now. I can always freeform later if I want to.

Issue: I don't want to do a bunch of maintenance on my head. I'm a low maintenance girl.
How to deal: Realize that I don't have to do a bunch of maintenance on my head if I don't want to. This thread here (http://www.nappturality.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=104484) shows a lady who started her locks with braids and latches on average every 3 months. I can definitely handle that. Ravenslocs, if I remember correctly, retwists every 3 months or so. And Rockinlocs and alma freeform now. So it's definitely possible, and I can still look nice with low maintenance hair.

Issue: I'm going to want to take them out when they start locking, and I have a half-locked, half-braided head.
How to deal: Suck it up. :-) That's the process. I want locked hair, don't I? I can't control how it looks completely throughout the process. Visualize the end that I want. Locked hair. Also, I can use accessories, head wraps, hats, etc. to hide my hair from myself / focus on other attributes of my appearance during this time. I just got contacts, and I'm totally feeling myself right now. Think of stuff like that.

Issue: I'm going to want to take them out when I see some cute cornrow style or great afro.
How to deal: I KNOW I don't want to deal with my loose hair on a regular basis. Remember that. Also, there are cute styles for locked hair. I can do a lock puff, I can cornrow locks too. Find styles I can do that look nice on my braids / soon-to-be-locks.

Issue: Blah blah blah <insert other reason I supposedly have to take down my hair>
How to deal: Look. I really want to finish something I start. I need to know that I can do that. Make it work.