Okay so far

Feeling good almost 2 weeks in. I really think this is going to be it.

Pics one week in

Well, I wanted to show how my hair looks, so here are a few pictures of my hair one week after I twisted my hair. I rinsed my hair 3 times since Monday.



A couple of my twists in the back came aloose when I rinsed my hair, so I braided those.



And this is how my hair looks stretched out. It is 4 inches now.

Started them again for the last time

I started my locks AGAIN this Monday. This time I used. I started over because I wanted control over the size of the locks, and because I thought that freeform would take too long (the locks have to bunch together first, then mat, whereas with the twists, they only have to mat). I have 112 locks, which I think is a lovely number. So, I did my hair by making 6 parts (two at the top, 4 in the back). I had washed my hair the day before, so it was dry. So that day, I used aloe vera juice to spritz my hair, to get it wet and twist. Since then I have rinsed my hair once and it is fine so far. And my hair feels really soft. I plan to rinse my hair every other day, and wash for the first time two weeks in, then wash once a week after that. We'll see how it goes.

Another day, another start to my locks

*sigh* I combed my hair out this past weekend and I'm going to start locks with twists today. Why did I start over again? Well, in looking at my hair, after two weeks, I couldn't really see where the locks were going to form, just my individual coils. I think I want more control over the size of my locks, and I think starting them with twists will do that for me. I just think I want more control overall. I think that I will be maintaining infrequently, but I want the option to maintain if I want.

Insecurities during the lock journey

I read a wonderful post on my favorite hair site. One person had taken down her twists that she was trying to start locks with. A lovely lady put her thoughts on that:

I understand because I went through the same thing on my first loc journey. I lasted almost 8 months until my insecurities took over. I let people get to me, make me weak to the point of hating my babies. This second journey has been SO much more fulfilling, and I am internally stronger and able to deal with my loc adversaries with a positive attitude. I am so happy that I started over and left all of the negativity behind with my first set. With the second rebirth, I did go through periods where I didn’t understand what my babies were doing but I still remained tolerant of them. I never really learned to love the frizzies, but more importantly, I never hated them.. Remember that you may not enjoy each and every stage that you go through, but as you preserve through each stage, you will gain a little more strength until you make it through the rough spots. In the end, you will be so proud of yourself for doing the dern thang! Making it through this second journey has empowered me in so many other areas of my life! I have learned that I can do all things (through Christ – yeah you know it! Bible thumper and proud of it!) and I have made so many changes to my internal as well as my external. That is why I never recommend loc extensions, etc, because you might miss out on some important lessons by taking the shortcut.

Girl your first set (color and everything) were beautiful, but if you didn’t feel it, then it was wasted space and time. So good-bye to the old, hello to the new. You are gonna be fierce with some locs! Simply beautiful! You will loc again and you will look & feel marvelous.


***I am glad that I was able to re-loc with a positive spirit and an unconditional, unequivocal love for each and every loc on my big fat head. ***

I think that's beautiful, and that's the attitude I want to have with my locks.

Focus ...

Today is not the best day. I look at other people's hair albums, and seriously covet their hair. I covet the cultivated locks. I covet the freeform locks. I don't see anyone's hair that looks like mine, though, and I feel inadequate. :-( I need to keep in mind why I want freeform locks. I don't want to have to play with my hair, period. That's the kind of girl I am. I don't want to spend hours on my hair to put in braids / cornrows, twists, or to retwist or latch locks. I don't want to go to someone else and have them do my hair. And I definitely don't want to comb an afro (for me, that gets tired after a week). Basically, I want long (or big), low maintenance hair. Which leads me to freeform locks. Remember that. And remember that it does and will continue to look good.

I think I look like a boy

I feel very introspective, so I'm trying to figure out why I always get rid of my locks. Do I care what people at work think? Not particularly, actually. Do I care what my family says? Not anymore, if it doesn't agree with what I think. The only thing that matters is what I think of it. When I have an issue with it, it is usually because I don't think it's "pretty". I'm already insecure at times because sometimes I get mistaken for a guy (I'm hairy, I don't have long, straight hair). So I sometimes feel that my hair should be more fixed (as if that will solve those issues for me). Meaning more smooth or sleek, less frizz, longer. I think that is the issue with locks for me. Short or nappy, but for God's sakes not both at the same time. So what can I do to help with that? First of all, I need to realize what it is that makes me a girl (ovaries, XX sex chromosomes, etc.). Also, I need to develop my own style, that locks fits into. I do care about my appearance, and I should take the time to make it show. (google possible search terms: not a girly-girl, tomboy) Do things such as giving myself manicure, pedicure, wear cute clothes, including necklace and/or earrings and/or perfume. I want to make up a grooming / appearance regimen that I will follow. Think of things I need to do every day (moisturize, wash face) and every week (manicure, pedicure). Even though I am not a girly girl, I can make sure I don't look sloppy (which is how I look now). At any rate, I think I am getting slightly off subject. The point is that there are things I can do to combat that feeling. Also, I just need to look at my hair as a work-in-progress. Or like a science project. Just observe the changes, visualizing the end that I want.

Hey, do you know what? I think I understand why I've compared my hair to others all the time, and why I end up switching so much. It's a possibility that just occurred to me. I look at some people's hair, and how it goes in to their whole look. And they look like a woman, they look attractive, they have confidence, they are what I want to be. So I change my hair to look like theirs. And it doesn't make me feel any better about myself.

My last freeform beginning

*sigh* I am starting again. This time I am starting them via freeform. Just wash and go. Therefore, all I did was wash my hair. I plan to wash them once or twice a week, and spray them with water every day I don't wash them. So far today I think it looks fine. After about 1-2 weeks, that's when it starts looking crazy, with all methods.

I've started locks so many times, and with so many methods, it's ridiculous. I've started my locks freeform (wash and go), twists, braids, comb coils, palm rolls. I've tried to lock at least 10 times. I've cut off 3 sets of locks (the longest I kept locks was 7 months). What's going on with me, and why can't I be satisfied with them?